Leather SINS President's Award 2010 Master's Heart Award
2006 Leatherman's Heart Award 2004

Master Z of Texas is a well-known Dominant, Presenter and Leader in the Leather and BDSm scene.  He is the International Master 2004 and travels all over the United States and Canada making presentations on the Master/slave-Leather lifestyle and BDSm technique.  He has also served as a popular Keynote Speaker and Emcee for a number of events.   He is the Owner of slave bill and slave kiki, and has slave tina, slave trudy and slave mark in service.

Master Z is Chairman and President of Butchmanns, Inc. and currently is an Instructor for the Butchmanns Weekend Experience.  He is the Producer and HeadMaster for boys Training Camps and Co-Producer of Masters Retreat. 

In 2010, Master Z was the recipient of the Leather SINS, Inc., President’s Award.  He was the recipient of the “Masters Heart Award” in 2006 and the “Leatherman’s Heart Award” in 2004.  He is one of the Head of Household for the Texas Leather Tribe; a Leather family he shares responsibility for with his wonderful Leather Brothers, Master Roy and Master Glen.

Master Z is eternally grateful to his mentors, the late Master Dean Walradt and the late boy Patrick Chees, who taught him much of the Leather protocols and rituals that he cherishes today.  Master Z is certain that his Leather Journey, BDSm experiences and a wonderful desert Master are directly related to his Spiritual Path.


Here is the text from Master Z's Keynote Address at the Sunday morning brunch at Sin in the City 2013:


…YOU SHOW ME YOURS AND I’LL SHOW YOU MINE…

THANK YOU FOR THAT WARM WELCOME.

IT’S GOOD TO BE IN THE CITY WHERE … “WHAT HAPPENS HERE, STAYS HERE…” CONSIDERING THE NAME OF THIS EVENT AND….. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE WHAT I HAVE HEARD AT NIGHT COMING FROM SOME OF THE HOTEL ROOMS….JUST SAYING!

I AM GRATEFUL TO SLAVE JAZZ AND MASTER CONRAD FOR INVITING ME TO GIVE THE KEYNOTE ADDRESS AT THE FIRST OF WHAT SHOULD BE A VERY POPULAR YEARLY EVENT.

WHEN I ASKED THE PRODUCERS IF THERE WAS A SPECIFIC TOPIC THEY WOULD LIKE ADDRESSED IN THE KEYNOTE, THEY INDICATED THAT “SEX” SHOULD BE THE UNDERPINNING OF WHATEVER I CHOSE TO SHARE.  WELL, THAT WAS A BIT DIFFERENT FROM WHERE I USUALLY BEGIN WHEN ASKED TO DEVELOP A KEYNOTE ADDRESS.

I THINK THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW ME RECOGNIZE THAT MY FASCINATION AND PASSION AROUND MY LIFE JOURNEY IN BDSM, SEX AND POWER EXCHANGE RELATIONSHIPS IS INTERWOVEN WITH MY ATTRACTION TO ALL THINGS SPIRITUAL IN NATURE.  YES, I AM ONE OF THE WOO WOO PEOPLE, KNOWN PRIMARILY FROM THE PHOENIX AREA, THOUGH I LIVE IN TEXAS, AND WHO DEVOTE TIME, TALENT AND RESOURCES SPREADING THE GOSPEL THAT WHAT WE DO IN OUR LIVES HAS GOT TO BE ABOUT MORE THAN OUR COCKS AND PUSSIES….. JUST TO BE CLEAR…. THAT’S MY COCK AND YOUR PUSSIES….

SO, MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS, THIS WON’T BE TOO HARD TO PUT DOWN THOUGHTS FOR THIS ADDRESS.  I MEAN I HAVE BEEN HAVING SEX SINCE ABOUT THE AGE OF 12.  AND NOW AT THE AGE OF 65, I CAN BOASTFULLY STATE THAT SEX STILL OCCUPIES MY THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS ON A VERY REGULAR BASIS.

THE EQUIPMENT STILL WORKS (SOMETIMES WITH A LITTLE PHARMACEUTICAL ASSISTANCE) AND WITH MY INNATE  PHYSICAL ATTRACTION TO THE YOUNG, BUFF AND BEAUTIFUL, THERE IS NO SHORTAGE OF VISUAL STIMULATION TO REMIND ME OF WHAT ROLE SEX PLAYS IN MY LIFE.  I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT THIS AUDIENCE FOR EXAMPLE!!

AND TO BE CLEAR, WHEN I INVOKE THE TERM BEAUTIFUL, I DO NOT LIMIT IT TO JUST PHYSICAL BEAUTY AS THAT SAME 65 YEARS HAS TAUGHT ME THAT THE BEAUTIFUL SPIRIT AND HEART FAR SUPERSEDES THE REALMS OF THE PHYSICAL; HENCE THE WOO.

SO I SAT DOWN AND BEGAN TO PUT THOUGHTS ON PAPER WITH A LEVEL OF CONFIDENCE THAT I WAS UP TO THE TASK.  THAT FIRST ATTEMPT RESULTED IN ABOUT A 3 PAGE KEYNOTE ADDRESS THAT WOULD BE OVER BY NOW IF THAT’S AS FAR AS I GOT.

OVER WEEKS OF CONTINUING TO TRY TO WORK ON SOMETHING ELSE THAT MOVED ME AND MIGHT BE OF INTEREST TO AN AUDIENCE, I DIDN’T GET MUCH FURTHER THAN THOSE FIRST 3 PAGES. 

WHY, I WONDERED, WAS I HAVING DIFFICULTY PUTTING DOWN SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT SEX!!  IT WAS AND REMAINS ONE OF MY FAVORITE PASTIMES.  AND THEN THE KEYNOTE MUSE BROKE THROUGH MY FOG AND I CAME UP WITH A TITLE.  FROM THAT, A PREMISE DEVELOPED THAT I HOPED WOULD BLOSSOM AS I TYPED.

SO I ELECTED TO CALL THIS ADDRESS …YOU SHOW ME YOURS AND I’LL SHOW YOU MINE…

THE TITLE REMINDED ME OF HOW I USED THAT PHRASE SUCCESSFULLY TO GET INTO CHILDISH SEX PLAY WHEN VERY YOUNG AND HAD AN INTEREST IN SEEING IF SOMEONE ELSE’S GOODIES LOOKED LIKE MINE.

AND TO BE HONEST, WITH ALL THE ON-LINE STUFF THAT HAS BECOME VERY COMMON PLACE IN PURSUIT OF OUR SEXUAL APPETITES TODAY, MANY OF US HAVE LITERALLY TAKEN THE EXPRESSION OF …YOU SHOW ME YOURS AND I’LL SHOW YOU MINE… TO AN ART FORM.  HOW MANY OF US HAVE PICTURES OF OUR JUNK ON-LINE READY AND WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO ASK TO SEE IT. 

OR, FOR SOME OF US WHO APPARENTLY HAVE LITTLE INTERNET SHAME AND MANNERS, SENDING THOSE PICTURES OUT TO FOLKS BEFORE THEY ARE EVEN ASKED FOR, HAS BECOME A VERY COMMON PRACTICE!  IT EVEN APPEARS IN SOME CASES TO BE CONGRESSIONAL PROTOCOL FROM SOME OF OUR REPRESENTATIVES ON THE HILL.

ANYONE REMEMBER SEEING CONGRESSMAN ANTHONY WEINER’S WEINER IN TIGHTY WHITEYS ON REGULAR TV LAST YEAR??

IT DIDN’T HELP HIS POLITICAL ADVANCEMENT BUT I BET HIS SOCIAL LIFE HASN’T SUFFERED.  IF IT WASN’T A PAIR OF GYM SOCKS STUFFED IN HIS UNDERWEAR, I REMEMBER I WAS IMPRESSED.

AND FOR SOME OF US, THE PICTURES OF OUR JUNK REPLACES WHO WE VISUALLY ARE ON INTERNET WEBSITES.  FOR SOME, IT’S ABOUT ANONYMITY IN NOT BEING IDENTIFIED BY FACIAL FEATURES; FOR OTHERS IT’S JUST ABOUT BRAGGING RIGHTS.

I KNOW I CAN’T REMEMBER HOW MANY TIMES THE FIRST THING I TYPED TO SOMEONE ON MANHUNT OR GROWLR WAS, “…HOW BIG IS THAT FUCKING THING????...”

BUT THIS ADDRESS ISN’T ABOUT INTERNET PROTOCOL OR MANNERS.  MY INTENTION IS THAT IT WILL BE ABOUT THE GIFT OF OUR FETISHES AND SEXUALITY THAT I BELIEVE OPENS THE DOOR TO EXPLORATIONS AND JOURNEYS THAT THE MAJORITY OF THE HUMAN RACE NEVER GETS TO EXPERIENCE.

AND THE ONLY VALID WAY I CAN ADDRESS THESE ISSUES IS THROUGH MY OWN EXPERIENCES.  THEREFORE, I WILL SHARE SOME OF MY JOURNEY WITH YOU ALL TODAY. TAKE FROM IT WHAT YOU WILL AND LEAVE THE REST BEHIND.

FOR THE FIRST 32 YEARS OF MY LIFE, I WOULD OFFER TO YOU THAT MY SEXUAL APPETITES AND PRACTICES WERE WHAT I WOULD TERM PRETTY VANILLA.  IT WAS HETEROSEXUAL, IT WAS NOT ABUNDANT, AND NOW, AS I LOOK BACK, I CATEGORIZE IT AS PRETTY BORING.  BEING CATHOLIC AND ASSUAGED BY THE RELIGIOUS GUILT TRIP THAT TRAPS MANY INTO SEXUAL BOREDOM, MY HOTTEST DATE WAS MANY TIMES MY RIGHT HAND.  MASTURBATION WAS KING AND WAS THE PROVING GROUND FOR SOME OF THE SEXUAL FANTASY I STILL ENJOY TODAY.

MY FIRST GLIMPSE INTO NON-CONVENTIONAL SEXUALITY AND FETISH WAS A BRIEF FORAY INTO A COMMUNAL LIVING SITUATION AND JOINING A CYCLE CLUB IN THE EARLY 60’S.

IT WAS THERE WHERE MY SEXUAL EXPERIENCES SORT OF DIPPED THE BIG TOE INTO THE FORBIDDEN; HOWEVER SHORTLY THEREAFTER, MARRIAGE AND A CHILD PUT THE KIBOSH ON THOSE ASSOCIATIONS.

IT WAS AT THE AGE OF 32 THAT I BEGAN TO HANG WITH ACQUAINTANCES WHO LIKED TO SPEND PART OF THEIR WEEKEND DANCING UNDER THE DISCO LIGHTS AND MIRRORED BALLS THAT BECAME SYNONYMOUS WITH THE BAR SCENES OF THE LATE 60’S AND EARLY 70’S.

AND WHERE COULD YOU FIND THE BEST DISCO MUSIC AND DRUGS TO ENHANCE DANCING THE NIGHT AWAY??  OF COURSE, IT WAS IN THE GAY BARS.  THERE I SAW PEOPLE FREELY EXPERIMENTING WITH SEXUAL MORES BEYOND WHAT I HAD EXPERIENCED IN MY BORING VANILLA SEX LIFE AND THAT OFFERED THE OPPORTUNITY TO ACTUALLY TAKE PART IN SOME OF THE FANTASY I HAD IMAGINED DURING THOSE LATE NIGHT HANDJOBS.

IT WAS DURING THIS TIME THAT I LEARNED THAT WHAT SEXUAL EQUIPMENT SOMEONE HAD BETWEEN THEIR LEGS WAS ONLY A SMALL PART OF WHAT SEX COULD BE ABOUT.  THE BAR EXPERIENCES BECAME COUPLED WITH COSTUMING IN PROVOCATIVE CLOTHING WITH THE HOPE OF GAINING ATTENTION AND SOMEONE’S INTEREST.

IN MY CASE IT WAS A RETURN TO LEATHER GEAR FROM THE EARLY CYCLE CLUB DAYS.  THIS COSTUMING SOON OPENED THE FORBIDDEN DOOR A BIT FURTHER AND LED ME TO OTHER DELIGHTS LIKE GROUP SEX EXPERIMENTATION AND EXPERIENCING HOT, HOT SEX WITH BOTH MEN AND WOMEN.  IT APPEARED THAT ONCE THE DOOR OF THE FORBIDDEN CONTINUED TO OPEN, THE POSSIBILITIES OF SEXUAL GRATIFICATION BECAME MUCH MORE VARIED AND EXCITING.  I DISCOVERED THAT I WAS VERY ATTRACTED TO THE MALE SEXUAL ANIMAL AND THAT LED TO A WHOLE AVENUE OF SEXUAL PLAY THAT HADN’T EVEN BEEN IN MY JERK-OFF FANTASIES.

FISTING, PISS PLAY, ROUGH SEX, CBT, ANONYMOUS SEX, ORGIES, ORAL SEX, POPPERS, ECSTASY AND SEX WITH TOYS WERE NOW INTRODUCED INTO THE MENU OF POSSIBILITIES.

WHAT HAD BEEN A PRETTY LIMITED VANILLA AND MOSTLY A MISSIONARY POSITION OF SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS IN MY LIFE WAS NOW A SMORGASBORD OF SEXUAL DELIGHTS.

AND THEN AIDS ENTERED THE PICTURE.  THAT SLOWLY BUT SURELY PUT A DAMPER ON THE GAY BACCHANALIA THAT WAS PART OF THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION I HAD ENTERED INTO.  MOST OF THE WILD NIGHTS OF SEX WITH MULTIPLE PARTNERS, DRUGS AND ROCK AND ROLL WAS REPLACED BY AN ALMOST A FEARFUL CELIBACY WITH A GREATLY MODIFIED SEXUAL MENU THAT WAS USUALLY PRACTICED WITH JUST A SINGLE PARTNER.  THAT UNFORTUNATELY WAS A RETURN BACK TO MORE MASTURBATION FANTASY!!

IT WASN’T UNTIL I WAS IN MY 50’S WHEN THE AIDS EPIDEMIC HAD SOMEWHAT SLOWED IT’S DEADLY PATH, THANKS IN PART TO BETTER DRUG THERAPIES AND WIDER AWARENESS OF SAFE SEX PRACTICES THAT I AGAIN BEGAN PLAYING WITH THOSE HOT FANTASIES THAT ENGULFED ME IN MY EARLY 30’S BUT IN A MUCH MORE CAUTIOUS AND CONTAINED WAY. 

BEING SINGLE AGAIN, I DECIDED TO RE-VISIT MY REPRESSED MEMORIES OF HOT TIMES IN THE DISCO CLUBS, DRESSING IN LEATHER, AND FINDING OTHER SEXUAL DEVIANTS LOOKING TO GET OFF.  BUT NOW THE DISCO CLUBS WERE GONE!  WHERE TO GO??? 

WELL, WHERE ELSE?  OF COURSE TO THE LEATHER BARS!  IT WAS THERE THAT I RE-ENTERED AN ENVIRONMENT THAT WAS PRIMARILY MALE AND FILLED WITH SEXUAL ADVENTURERS WHO WERE ALSO PROWLING FOR THAT WHICH WAS HARD TO FIND OUTSIDE THE DARK INTERIOR OF THE LEATHER BAR; NAMELY A MORE INTENSE SEXUAL EXPERIENCE BEYOND JUST MISSIONARY FUCKING.

THIS ENCOUNTER ALSO FACILITATED ANOTHER TRANSITION IN MY LIFE.  I FOUND A LEATHER CULTURE WHERE THERE WERE THOSE WHO ESPOUSED THAT HOT SEX WAS STILL PRIMO; HOWEVER THERE WAS A CAMARADERIE; A BROTHERHOOD IF YOU WILL, INTIMATELY WRAPPED AROUND A SET OF VALUES BY WHICH LEATHERMEN CHOSE TO LIVE AND SOCIALIZE.  IT NO LONGER FELT LIKE MY USUAL SOLITARY JOURNEY TO SATISFY MY OWN SEXUAL PROCLIVITIES.

IT PRESENTED AN OPPORTUNITY TO PARTICIPATE IN A CULTURE THAT ALSO CARED ABOUT THEIR BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND THE COMMUNITY AT LARGE ON A DEEPER, SERVICE-ORIENTED LEVEL.  THIS WAS COUPLED WITH AN HONEST ENACTMENT OF ACCEPTANCE AND TOLERANCE THAT I HAD NEVER FELT A PART OF OR COULD REMEMBER EXPERIENCING BEFORE.

THAT MAY JUST BE  HOWEVER MY MEMORY OF A TIME IN MY LIFE WHERE I WAS STRUGGLING WITH THE TYPICAL MID-LIFE CRISIS QUESTIONS OF WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE, WHY AM I HERE, AND WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING GOING FORWARD.

IT WAS KIND OF LIKE ONE’S FIRST ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP OR THE FIRST FULFILLED SEXUAL FANTASY.  WE ALWAYS REMEMBER THEM AS BEAUTIFUL WITH NO BLEMISHES; WHEN IN FACT, THEY WERE PROBABLY AWKWARD, HAD THEIR CHALLENGES AND WERE NOT AS WE REMEMBER THEM TODAY.

SO NOW MY SEXUAL ARENA OF CHOICE WAS IN THE LEATHER COMMUNITY.  IT WAS STILL HOT SEX, BUT I WAS SEEING SOME OTHER THINGS GOING ON THAT WAS MAKING MY DICK HARD.  IT INVOLVED RELATIONSHIPS; AND WHAT I WAS WITNESSING WERE INTERACTIONS BETWEEN TWO OR MORE INDIVIDUALS WHERE THE FOCUS WAS DIFFERENT THAN ANYTHING I HAD PREVIOUSLY BEEN EXPOSED TO.

THE EMPHASIS OF THESE RELATIONSHIPS WAS MORE ALONG THE LINES OF HONOR, INTEGRITY, RESPONSIBILITY, LOYALTY AND HONESTY RATHER THAN MERE SEXUAL CONQUEST.  I WAS OBSERVING A DELIBERATE IMBALANCE IN THE POWER EXCHANGE BETWEEN THE INDIVIDUALS, WHICH WAS WORKING AND MAKING BOTH PARTIES FEEL EMPOWERED AND FULFILLED.  THAT WAS SO VERY DIFFERENT FROM MY PREVIOUS PARTNER/SPOUSE RELATIONSHIPS WHERE THE STRUGGLE ALWAYS SEEMED TO BE WHO WOULD BE ON TOP AND WHO WAS IN CONTROL, WHICH MADE THE RELATIONSHIP RIFE WITH MANIPULATION AND INTRIGUE. 

INCLUDED IN THE REVELATION OF THESE NEW TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS, I ALSO GOT A GLIMPSE OF SOMETHING THAT I HAD NEVER EVEN IMAGINED OR THOUGHT I WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT.  I SAW PHYSICAL ACTS THAT BY VANILLA COMMUNITY STANDARDS, WOULD BE TERMED DEPRAVED, SICK AND DANGEROUS.

I SAW FLOGGINGS AND WHIPPINGS WHERE THE MERE SOUND OF THE IMPLEMENTS HITTING THE BODY SENT SHIVERS DOWN MY SPINE.  I SAW KNIVES, NEEDLES AND SHARP POINTY THINGS DRAW BLOOD WHICH HAD ME LICKING MY LIPS WONDERING WHAT THAT FELT LIKE AND DID THE BLOOD HAVE A PARTICULAR TASTE AND TEXTURE.  OK, SO NOW YOU KNOW I LIKE VAMPIRE STUFF…BUT THIS WAS VERY DIFFERENT FROM WHAT THE MOVIE VAMPIRES WERE DOING AT THAT TIME.  I SAW ELECTRICAL DEVICES BEING ATTACHED TO BODIES AND INSERTED INTO ORIFICES WHERE I WAS PRETTY SURE NO ELECTRICIAN WOULD EVER ADVISE PUTTING THEM.

I WATCHED THE BOTTOMS WRITHE AND CONTRACT IN WHAT APPEARED TO BE SOME PAIN COMBINED ECSTASY THAT WAS CAUSING THEM TO CUM WITHOUT EVEN TOUCHING THEMSELVES.

I SAW COMMON EVERYDAY ITEMS LIKE SPATULAS, WOODEN SPOONS, DUCT TAPE, SERAN WRAP AND CLOTHESPINS, TYPICALLY REFERRED TO AS PERVERTABLES, USED IN WAYS THAT BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS NEVER IMAGINED.

IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE OR IS IT JUST ME????

I WATCHED BURLY MEN USE THEIR HANDS TO POUND, GRAB AND PUNCH THE BOTTOM INTO PHYSICAL SUBMISSION AND LATER WATCHED THOSE SAME BOTTOMS PROUDLY DISPLAY THEIR BRUISES AS IF THEY WERE MEDALS OF HONOR.

OK, I WAS HOOKED.  I HAD TO KNOW MORE ABOUT WHAT THIS BDSM SHIT WAS ABOUT.  AND HAVING IDENTIFIED AS A DOMINANT IN THE LEATHER BROTHERHOOD, I HAD TO ACQUIRE THESE TECHNIQUES AS A TOP BECAUSE I COULDN’T AFFORD TO BE SEEN IN A BOTTOMING SITUATION WHICH MIGHT CALL MY DOMINANCE INTO QUESTION.

SO I SET ABOUT BECOMING PROFICIENT IN THE TECHNIQUES THAT CALLED TO ME THE MOST.  I BECAME THAT PERSON WHO WAS THROWING THE WHIP AND FLOGGER, INSERTING NEEDLES AND HOOKS INTO FLESH, ATTACHING CLOTHESPINS TO AREAS OF THE BODY WHERE LAUNDRY WOULD NEVER HANG AND USING MY HANDS TO CREATE DELICIOUS BRUISES AND MARKS ON THE BODIES OF MY BOTTOMS THAT I WAS ALSO PROUD OF WHEN THEY WERE DISPLAYED.

SOME OF THAT BDSM ACTIVITY LED TO SEX, BUT MORE LIKELY THAN NOT, THE VERY ACTS OF PRIMAL INTIMACY THAT WERE NOW IN THE FORM OF BDSM, AND SHARED BETWEEN THE TOP AND BOTTOM, WERE OF SUFFICIENT ENERGY AND PHYSICALITY TO SATISFY THE DRIVES AND MOTIVES OF BOTH PARTIES AND THAT DID NOT REQUIRE THE TRADITIONAL ORGASM.

I AM SOMETIMES ENVIOUS OF THOSE WHO HAD THE INKLINGS THAT THEY MIGHT BE KINKY FROM EARLY CHILDHOOD AND REMEMBER PRACTICING BONDAGE ON THEIR PLAYMATES OR ON THEMSELVES.  THAT WAS NOT A GIFT GIVEN TO ME.  I WAS AN OLD DUDE TRYING TO LEARN AS QUICKLY AS I COULD HOW TO BE KINKY AND INITIALLY, PROBABLY NOT FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.  I WANTED TO BE GOOD AT WHAT I DID AND I WANTED PEOPLE TO BE WITH ME BECAUSE OF HOW GOOD I WAS AT BDSM.  THAT’S WHAT I SAW HAPPENING WITH OTHER DOMINANTS AND I WANTED THAT TO HAPPEN FOR ME. 

IT WAS ALMOST LIKE BEING PHYSICALLY AND VISUALLY HOT AND THE DESIRED ONE IN A SEXUAL SENSE THAT THE NORMAL 50 SOMETHING MAN OR WOMAN DOESN’T GET TO EXPERIENCE VERY OFTEN AS WE ARE A VERY YOUTH ORIENTED CULTURE. THIS WAS DIFFERENT.   IT WASN’T ABOUT HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU WERE OR WHAT BODY TYPE YOU WERE. 

IT WAS ABOUT BEING DESIRED AGAIN FOR YOUR SKILLS AND HAVING A CONNECTION WITH SOMEONE THAT BROUGHT PASSIONS AND DESIRE BACK INTO MY LIFE.  AND I AM SURE IT FELT NO DIFFERENT FOR THE WILLING BOTTOMS AS WELL.

SO DOMINATION, PLAY AND SEX, IN THAT ORDER BECAME THE PRIORITIES OF MY LIFE.  AND IT WAS THEN THAT THE NEXT TRANSITION OCCURRED.  THE FORBIDDEN DOOR THAT HAD BEEN INCHING OPEN SINCE I WAS IN MY EARLY 30’S WAS FLUNG WIDE OPEN.  I MET SOME LEATHER MEN AND WOMAN THAT WERE SINGING THE PRAISES OF ADDING THE ELEMENT OF HEART AND SPIRIT INTO THEIR LIVES.

THEY SAW THEIR SEXUALITY, BDSM PRACTICES AND THEIR OWN PARTICULAR FETISHES AS A DIFFERENT TYPE OF CONNECTION BETWEEN THE PERSON OR PERSONS THEY WERE IN RELATIONSHIP WITH, HAVING SEX WITH OR ENJOYING PLAY WITH.

THEY SAW THIS CONNECTION IN THE LIGHT OF AN ELEMENT THAT HAD BEEN ADDED INTO THE RELATIONSHIP, THE SEX, THE PLAY AND THAT PROVIDED A GLIMPSE INTO SOMETHING THAT CLEARLY WAS GREATER THAN ONESELF OR ONES DESIRES.

CALL IT A SPIRITUAL CONNECTION GRANTED BY GOD OR GODDESS, THE UNIVERSE, THE POWER, THE UNKNOWN – WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOUR BELIEFS.  YOU KNOW IT WHEN YOU FEEL IT.  IT IS UNDENIABLE.  IT’S NOT RELIGIOUS IN AND OF ITSELF; HOWEVER I SUSPECT THAT THE RELIGIOUS FANATICS FEEL SOMETHING SIMILAR THAT DRIVES THEM ALONG THEIR INSANE JOURNEY AS WELL.

IT IS SOMETHING THAT ONCE YOU EXPERIENCE THIS TYPE OF CONNECTION THAT FEELS THIS STRONG WITH SOMEONE ELSE, NOTHING WILL EVER BE SUFFICIENTLY SATISFYING IN AND OF ITSELF AGAIN – NOT SEX, NOT PLAY AND CERTAINLY NOT RELATIONSHIP.

OH GREAT!  I JUST BECAME CONFIDENT AS A PROFICIENT AND SOUGHT AFTER BDSM TOP PLAYER AND DOMINANT AND NOW THIS ELEMENT OF HEART AND SPIRIT GETS THROWN INTO THE MIX.  HEY UNIVERSE… I WAS NOW A MAN IN MY LATE 50’S.  HOW MUCH MORE ADJUSTMENT TO MY LIFE WAS THIS GOING TO TAKE AND WHAT WAS GOING TO BE THE PRICE OF ADDING THIS ELEMENT INTO MY SEX, BDSM PLAY AND RELATIONSHIPS?

THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION WAS THAT IT WAS GOING TO COST ME EVERYTHING.  NO LONGER WAS I GOING TO BE ABLE TO HIDE BEHIND A FAÇADE OR PURSUE SELFISH DESIRES.   THAT WAS WHAT I HAD ALREADY SPENT A GOOD MAJORITY OF MY LIFE DOING.  YOU SEE THE UNIVERSE, OR HOWEVER YOU VIEW THAT POWER GREATER THAN YOURSELF, CANNOT TOLERATE DISHONESTY WITH OTHERS OR WITH YOURSELF.  IT WILL ONLY APPEAR AND ENACT THE MAGIC IF YOU STRIVE TO BE AS AUTHENTIC AND AS TRANSPARENT AS YOU CAN POSSIBLY BE.

FOR ME, THAT BEGAN BY PUTTING EGO ASIDE AND LOOKING FOR THE TRUTH, THE RIGHT ACTION AND THE RIGHT INTENT IN EVERYTHING THAT I DID.  AND AS FOREIGN AS THAT MAY HAVE FELT WHEN I FIRST VOWED TO LIVE THAT WAY, I NOW SEE THE CHANGE AND POWER THAT THIS HAS BROUGHT INTO MY LIFE, INTO MY SEX, INTO MY PLAY AND INTO MY RELATIONSHIPS.

I  HAD COME FULL CIRCLE AND THE EXPRESSION …YOU SHOW ME YOURS AND I’LL SHOW YOU MINE… TOOK ON AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT MEANING.  IT WAS NO LONGER ABOUT HOW MANIPULATIVE I COULD BE IN A RELATIONSHIP; OR HOW SKILLED I WAS AT BDSM; OR HOW I APPEARED TO SOMEONE IN MY SEXUAL PERSONA.  IT WAS NOW ABOUT HOW AUTHENTIC AND REAL I COULD BE IN EACH ONE OF THOSE AREAS OF MY LIFE.

COULD I APPROACH BDSM IN A NEW WAY THAT ALLOWED THE OTHER PERSON TO FEEL AND PERCEIVE THE SPIRIT THAT I NOW WAS ATTACHED TO AND THE POWER THAT WAS INHERENT IN THAT CONNECTION?

COULD I APPROACH SEX AS A GIFT TO BE SHARED AND HAVE IT BE MORE THAN ABOUT JUST GETTING MYSELF OFF?  COULD I UNDERSTAND THAT REJECTING SOMEONE’S SEXUAL INTEREST IN ME BECAUSE THEY WEREN’T EXACTLY MY TYPE OR SEXUAL GENDER – MY AGE PREFERENCE OR BODY STYLE - MIGHT BE VERY HURTFUL?   COULD I ALLOW THAT OPENING MYSELF TO OTHER SEXUAL POSSIBILITIES THAT I HAD NOT CONSIDERED BEFORE WOULD NOW NOT ONLY BE ABOUT MY GRATIFICATION BUT WAS ALSO ABOUT THE OPPORTUNITY TO CONNECT WITH SOMEONE ELSE ON A DEEPER AND MORE INTIMATE LEVEL?  COULD I BE MORE CONCERNED WITH THE PLEASURE OF THE OTHER PERSON THAN WITH MY OWN DESIRES?

COULD MY RELATIONSHIPS BE TRANSPARENT ENOUGH THAT THOSE INVOLVED IN MY POWER DYNAMICS, SEE ME FOR WHO I TRULY AM AND NOT AS SOMEONE I AM TRYING TO PORTRAY OR WHO THEY WISHED ME TO BE.  COULD WE BOTH HANDLE SEEING THE FLAWS AS WELL AS THE POWER AND GIFTS?

COULD WE SPEAK THE TRUTH TO EACH OTHER WITH RESPECT AND WITHOUT MALICE, ONLY HAVING THE OTHER’S BEST INTENTIONS AT HEART?

THOSE WERE THE QUESTIONS THAT I HAD TO FIND THE ANSWERS TO SINCE ONCE I HAD EXPERIENCED THE POWER OF HEART AND SPIRIT IN MY SEX, IN MY FETISH AND BDSM AND IN MY RELATIONSHIPS, I KNEW I HAD TO HAVE THAT LEVEL OF INTIMACY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

SO WORKING ON BEING AUTHENTIC AND NOT LETTING ANYTHING ENTER MY LIFE THAT WOULD NOT BE AUTHENTIC WAS THE CHALLENGE THAT NOW WAS BEFORE ME.

AND THAT BRINGS ME TO WHERE I AM TODAY.  STILL ON THE JOURNEY; DISCOVERING AH-HAH MOMENTS AT EVERY TURN AND IN DEEP CONNECTION WITH A SPIRITUAL PRACTICE THAT SUPPORTS AND NURTURES THE PROCESS OF PERSONAL AUTHENTICITY.

I CAN HONESTLY SAY TO YOU NOW THAT THERE IS NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT WHO I AM TODAY AND THE PATHS THAT I FOLLOW NOW WERE ONLY POSSIBLE BY HAVING ALL THOSE OTHER EXPERIENCES THAT I HAVE SHARED WITH YOU TODAY.  I COULD NOT HAVE SKIPPED ONE OF THEM; EVEN THOUGH WISHFUL THINKING STILL SOMETIMES MAKES ME ENVIOUS OF THOSE WHO DISCOVER THEIR AUTHENTIC PATHS SOONER THAN I DID. 

I USED TO ATTRIBUTE MY LATE REALIZATION REGARDING PERSONAL AUTHENTICITY TO BEING A SLOW LEARNER.  I NOW KNOW THAT IT WAS MORE ABOUT NOT BEING CURIOUS ENOUGH OR AGGRESSIVE ENOUGH ABOUT MY OWN PATH TO SELF ACTUALIZATION THAT SLOWED THE PROCESS.

THE ABILITY WAS THERE ALL THE TIME AS IT IS IN ALL OF US.  IT WAS STUNTED HOWEVER BY BEING OVERLY CONTENTED IN WHAT WAS, RATHER THAN WONDERING ABOUT WHAT COULD BE.  I WANTED TO BE WHAT I SAW OTHERS PORTRAYING RATHER THAN BEING A SEEKER OF WHAT I COULD BE.

I WAS CONTENTED TO LET IT HAPPEN TO ME RATHER THAN SEEK IT OUT.  THAT WAS NEITHER BAD NOR GOOD.  THAT WAS JUST MY PATH THEN.  IT’S NOT MY PATH NOW.  THERE IS NO GOING BACK ONCE YOU HAVE HAD A GLIMPSE OF THE MAGIC.

SEX NO LONGER REQUIRES THE HUNT TO FIND THE NEXT CONQUEST; THERE IS NO LINGERING ON FEELINGS OF FRUSTRATION OR REJECTION WHEN THE SEXUAL CONNECTION DOESN’T FORM.   THE SATISFACTION OF THE CONNECTION NOW LASTS LONG AFTER THE ORGASM HAS SUBSIDED.

THERE IS A SENSE THAT ALL THE PARTIES INVOLVED IN OUR MOST PRIMAL PHYSICAL ACT HAVE THE OTHER’S BEST INTEREST AND ENJOYMENT AS A MOTIVATOR AND THERE IS MORE CONCERN ABOUT WHAT’S GOING ON IN THE HEAD AND HEART THAN WHAT IS GOING ON BETWEEN OUR LEGS.

MY BDSM AND MY FETISH IS IN-LINE WITH MY SEXUALITY AS IT AGAIN IS ABOUT THE BEST INTENTIONS FOR THE PERSON OR PERSONS I AM INTERACTING WITH.  BEING A STAGE PERFORMER IN A DUNGEON IS NO LONGER OF INTEREST.  THE FOCUS IN PLAY NOW IS ABOUT BEING ABSOLUTELY CLEAN ON THE INTENTION OF THE PLAY.  IF THE AGREEMENT IS THAT THIS IS ABOUT PAIN FOR THE BOTTOM, GOING INTO THE ACTIVITY WITH MY OWN UNSPOKEN INTENTIONS OF WANTING THE BOTTOM TO HAVE AN EXPERIENCE BEYOND THE PAIN IS FALSE AND SELFISH.  AS THE TOP OR THE BOTTOM, WE MUST BOTH BE CLEAR ON THE INTENTION OF THE PLAY.

IF OTHER OUTCOMES DEVELOP, THEN JUST SAY “THANK YOU UNIVERSE” FOR THAT UNINTENDED GIFT.

I AM NO LONGER CONCERNED ABOUT LABELS OR PERFORMING.  I RECOGNIZE THAT ALL OF US HAVE THE PREDILECTION TO BE TOP OR BOTTOM AND THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHO WE AUTHENTICALLY ARE.  I BELIEVE THAT THE MAJORITY OF US ARE JUST SEXUAL BEINGS.   EXCLUSIVE LABELS OF HETERO OR HOMO OR TOP OR BOTTOM SEEM TO ME TO BE JUST OBSTACLES THAT KEEP US FROM EXPERIENCING OPPORTUNITIES FOR SEXUAL GROWTH, INTIMACY AND BDSM EXPERIENCES WE NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE.

SO WHETHER I AM PUNCHING OR GETTING PUNCHED, OR PIERCING OR BEING PIERCED; OR IF I AM SEXUALLY INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE THAT IS NOT IN MY NORMAL RANGE OF PURSUIT;

BE IT A MAN, WOMAN OR A TRANSGENDERED PERSON, IT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER AS LONG AS NEITHER OF THE PARTIES INVOLVED ARE IN VIOLATION OF WHO THEY AUTHENTICALLY ARE AND ARE FOCUSED ON THE BEST INTENTION OF THE OTHER PERSON OR PERSONS.

AS A MASTER, WHO IS BLESSED WITH THE GIFT OF FIVE SLAVES AND A BOY, I CAN TELL YOU THAT I AM HAPPIER, MORE FULFILLED AND IN HEALTHIER RELATIONSHIPS TODAY THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN BEFORE.  THAT IS ONLY POSSIBLE BECAUSE THE PREMISE OF EACH OF THOSE RELATIONSHIPS IS BASED ON TRANSPARENCY AND INSISTENCE THAT EACH PERSON BE WHO THEY AUTHENTICALLY ARE.  THE TRUTH I BELIEVE IS THAT WE ARE ALL WORKING ON BEING AUTHENTIC.  THE SERVICE AND RESPONSIBILITY OF EACH PARTY IN THIS POWER EXCHANGE DYNAMIC MUST BE IN SUPPORT OF EACH OTHER’S QUEST FOR PERSONAL AUTHENTICITY. 

WE SPEAK THE TRUTH TO EACH OTHER WITHOUT WISHING TO CONTROL OR DIRECT EMOTION OR HOW THE OTHER FEELS ABOUT WHAT IS SAID.  EACH KNOWS THAT THE OTHER ONLY HAS THE BEST INTENTIONS AND NOTHING IS SHARED TO HURT, WOUND OR MANIPULATE THE OTHER.

ALL OF THIS COMMITMENT, WORK AND FOCUS HAVE BROUGHT AUTHENTIC, REAL AND INTEGROUS PEOPLE INTO MY LIFE WHO ALSO BELIEVES THAT PERSONAL AUTHENTICITY IN THEIR OWN LIVES IS THE HIGHEST ASPIRATION.  THEY HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE TO MY PATH AS WELL.

SEE???  I GOT TO THE WOO….WHICH FOR ME, IS VERY SEXY.  AS I SAID AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS ADDRESS, I AM SHARING WHAT MY EXPERIENCES HAVE BEEN AND HOW I HAVE TRIED TO MAKE SENSE OF MY JOURNEY TO THIS POINT.  TAKE WHAT RESONATES FOR YOU AND LEAVE THE REST BY THE WAYSIDE. 

MY PATH CANNOT BE YOUR PATH AS YOURS CANNOT BE MINE.  THE UNIVERSE AND YOU KNOW THE AUTHENTIC, UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL PERSON THAT YOU ARE.  YOU ARE PERFECT IN THAT UNIQUENESS.  I BELIEVE YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN A GIFT IN YOUR SEXUALITY, YOUR KINK AND FETISHES IN BDSM AND IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE VERY DIFFERENT FROM WHAT THE MAJORITY OF OTHER PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD HAVE RECEIVED.  THEY CAN FIND THEIR AUTHENTICITY AS WELL BUT I BELIEVE THEIR PATH HAS MORE PITFALLS ALONG THE WAY.  I BELIEVE OUR GIFTS ALLOW US TO SEE, HEAR, TASTE AND EXPERIENCE THINGS IN A VERY REAL AND MAGICAL WAY AND PROVIDE BRIDGES OVER THOSE SAME PITFALLS TO GIVE US A CLEANER, CLEARER VIEW OF WHAT IS POSSIBLE TO MOVE FORWARD IN OUR JOURNEY.  AND WHAT ARE WE ALL – VANILLA AND KINKY - SEEKING ON OUR JOURNEY?  I THINK THAT CAN BE CAPTURED IN ONE WORD – “HAPPINESS”.

MY BELIEF AND EXPERIENCES HAVE SHOWN ME THAT ONLY BY CELEBRATING WHO WE AUTHENTICALLY ARE CAN WE HOPE TO GLIMPSE THAT ELUSIVE GOAL OF HAPPINESS.

AND SO WHEN YOU THINK OF THE PHRASE I STARTED WITH IN DEVELOPING THIS ADDRESS …YOU SHOW ME YOURS AND I’LL SHOW YOU MINE… THINK BEYOND THE PHYSICAL.  CONSIDER THAT BY ALLOWING YOUR AUTHENTICITY TO BE YOUR GUIDING LIGHT AND HOW YOU ARE KNOWN TO OTHERS WILL BE THE MAGIC KEY THAT OPENS YOUR DOOR TO EXPLORATION, EXCITEMENT AND HAPPINESS.

I WARNED YOU I WOULD GET THIS INTO THE AREA OF WOO!  IT’S ABOUT KNOWING THAT THE WOO CAN BE PRESENT IN YOUR SEX, IN YOUR FETISHES AND PLAY AND MOST IMPORTANTLY I THINK, IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU AND THE PRODUCERS OF “SIN IN THE CITY” FOR ALLOWING ME TO SHARE SOME VERY PERSONAL THOUGHTS WITH YOU TODAY.  THIS WASN’T ABOUT TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU THAT MY DISCOVERIES NEED TO BE YOURS.  IT WAS ABOUT ALLOWING ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW YOU MINE IN THE HOPES THAT YOU WOULD SHOW ME YOURS.

AND AS WE OFTEN SAY IN THE LAND OF WOO -

….“THE WOO IS GONNA GET YOU”….

MAY PEACE AND COMPASSION BE THE HALLMARKS OF OUR COMMUNITY.

NAMASTE